Went to the optician the other day, after losing yet another pair of glasses in a messing-about-with-the-kids incident.
"Your eyesight is maturing" said the optician?"
"What, you mean I appreciate art and ballet a bit more now and fancy Fay Weldon?"
"Er, no, you need reading glasses."
"Hmm. So I'm not short sighted any more?"
"You're still short sighted. You'll still need distance lenses as well".
In other words, there is only a depth of field of about three inches in which my vision is clear.
I am shagged.
I'm testing out my eyesight this afternoon and I still can't see straight lines. I try out my wang eye (the left) on my guitar and the neck shimmers and breaks up at the edges, as if looked at from a distance in a heat haze. Everything is thinner, too, especially people's faces. If I try to read it's as if publishing has been taken over by incompetent typesetters. Not that anyone uses typesetters these days – mostly to do with technology but also because typesetters were always incredibly grumpy and bad-tempered. You could be having the best day of your life, but after a five minute conversation with a typesetter you'd be left feeling desolate.
I’m trying to finish an outline for a new travel book, which might be about the Vikings in some way. This planning stage is the hardest thing about writing. Anyway, today I spent about 20 minutes messing about with the cut and paste function, then put on ‘Straight Outta Boone County’ (Cowboy Songs, Home Songs, Western Songs, Mountain Songs) and have so far spent the rest of my time attempting to recreate 1940s style vocal harmonies, every now and then popping downstairs to put on some more coffee. Pretending To Be A Country And Western Singer is a classic procrastination technique for a writer.
Due to my dodgy eye (detached retina) I’m having problems reading the type on screen. Full stops now appear as commas.